We babysat Astrid yesterday fir the first time. She is such a sweet baby, she's a tad over one year old. She's on the verge of walking and took one step on her own between me and the cupboard. She got a little fretful when tired or teething or missing Chris and Vic but she's easy to distract. It's just fun to watch a baby explore the world.
We call ourselves Grandma E and Grandpa K. You'd be Uncle S. Pam's book club is reading your Brad Pitt novel. I'll let you know what they think when they meet in June.
I don't think I mentioned I have Easter on a dusty taupe background framed on our wall.
Your Brad Pitt Novel / Eloise Ham (Mom)
I am submitting it chapter by chapter on an online writers' group for review. You would enjoy the reactions to your outrageous and hysterical Carol. I see the novel as a tragicomedy, but many see Carol as so LOL funny that I hope they are not disappointed with the later chapters. The site is a lot of work because in order to post one must earn posting points by reviewing other work. It has helped me see whatI need to improve as a writer. I wrote a 'practice' novel. I am not so proud of it, but with more work it might become something I will be proud of. It's in the genre of Steven King.
More and more companies are accepting online submissions which would have made life so much easier for you.
Happy Birthday / Sandy Borello (Aunt)
Happy Birthday Shannon, It is hard to believe that this will be the 4th birthday you have missed on earth. I believe that you are watching over your family and have guided them with your gentle touch. Your life here was too brief, but you have touched many and through your death I have gotten to know you better.
All excited for your birthday... / Heather (Sistah)Read >>
All excited for your birthday... / Heather (Sistah)
I'm throwing your party this year! The daffodils ARE daffing! Dafinitely, and right there in the middle of the table. I have 3 kinds of whiskey...yum! And lots of beer. And the very best peaches I could find...they smell wonderful. I'm sure you would eat them ALL if you were here. It's a beautiful day here. On earth. Wish you were here - anywhere on this earth. Eating all the fruit, drinking all the whiskey... pissing me off, making me laugh so hard I could piss... Close
PPS/ Eloise Hamann (Mom)
I received an email that a guest had added a photo to your photo album which I needed to approve. When I went to view it I discovered a picture of three children holding cats. I recognized none of them. It appears to be a mistake but I can't imagine how one could make such. I've requested the email address of the donor to make sure. Maybe you should go into edit mode and check it out.
PS/ Eloise Hamann (Mom)
I'm still at the computer and your Dad announced from the other room that Michael Stipe is on the cover of the entertainment section of one of our papers. The headline is REM's fortune is poised to 'Accelerate'. Their forthcoming album is named Accelerate and they will be participating in the SXSW festival in Austin. I guess this is Michael's birthday gift via your Dad.
It always makes your Dad sad to come to this site, but it makes me feel good to talk to you and to see that others remember.
I had a dream about you / Eloise Hamann (Mom)Read >>
I had a dream about you / Eloise Hamann (Mom)
I rarely remember my dreams but I dreamed about you last night and remembered it. I guess it was a reverse birthday present. You were an adult and not really dead. You had just dropped out for a while. You were in my car and I was driving so I couldn't get to you to hug you. I couldn't wait to tell the world but somehow got lost trying to get home. The few other dreams I've had of you, you were still a little boy.
I still think of you every day. Your novel, Brad Pitt Won't Leave Me Alone made the semifinalist list in a contest by Amazon.com. Your cousins and aunts have read it or are reading it. Pam is passing it around her book club. I need to be less timid about submitting it for publication. I've been doing it one at a time as I've done for Scheherezade's Pornography.
Heather is having your corned beef birthday gathering this year. She has recently furnished her living room and even more recently bought new dining room chairs so she wants to entertain. Chris, Vic, and Astrid are coming as they always do. Douglas and Chris are also coming. The red cake you love will be dyed green for St. Patty's Day. I can't remember if I usually did that for your birthday or not. I know I've made it in both colors. It's hard to think that this is the fourth such gathering. It helps for us to do this.
I don't think I told you that your uncle Les died. Yvonne misses him, but seems to be getting along OK.
I didn't tell you you have a new first cousin once removed. Evan is the father of a cute little baby girl, Ana.
Your Nana enjoys her great grandson Tanner. She gets to take care of him from time to time.
We got a picture of Taryn's Lola at Christmas time. She is beautiful. We have adopted Chris and Vic's Astrid as our surrogate grandchild. I thought I'd never be a refrigerator grandma but we have a great picture of her on a bearskin rug guess where? It is so funny as she has a bored supermodel expression on her face. We love her chipmunk cheeks!
It's chilly here this morning. I have to run out to get cream cheese for the frosting for your cake. It's the only thing I'm making for your feast although we'll go in early to help.
PS/ Brenda Gaines Hunter (none)
PS The last message was in reference to your not always understanding your sons' poetry--and how our kids often turn out to be so different than we imagine they would. The dude was deep. Close
He was gifted / Brenda Gaines Hunter (none)Read >>
He was gifted / Brenda Gaines Hunter (none)
I'm so sorry about the death of your son. He was gifted. I always thought of him as a future investment banker, stockbroker... because of his brains.
I have been around so many parents who wonder how their children turned out the way they did. I can tell you that you did nothing wrong. I've spoke with many people who have bipolar disorder, schizophrenia... who say there is no explanation.
Your son was brilliant and probably cared too deeply about things that he couldn't control. His writing was his way of taming his emotions.
I too will be looking for a publisher in 2008 for my memoir "This is How it Ends." It's been through critiques and editing and is ready to be published. I do have agent referrals. It's about my efforts to tame the grief I have around losing my mother years ago and finally for good. I don't know what we're to do with our grief. It seems that I've been grieving all of my life. Don't give up on Shannon's work, his songs and contribution to life.
You and Dr. Guzman have always been my favorite teachers and both have lost sons recently. I wish I could take away the pain.
Sometimes I think people are here for a short while just to give us joy; sometimes just to remind us of how special life is. I don't believe God ever takes people. I believe he accepts them.
Three years / Eloise Hamann (Mom)
Heather is coming for this 3rd anniversary of missing you. We will light your candle and put up our Christmas Tree. You have a beautiful upbeat sister. She is the light of our lives.
I will probably spend the day reading your letters and looking at pictures. Heather has another part time job doing late afternoon traffic so won't come till about 7 p.m. She has a new idea for the tree this year which she is keeping to herself. I still want to use the white reindeer that you arranged flying up the tree.
I've been contacting publishers about your work. I have gained much empathy about how hard it is to break into publishing. There has been a positive reaction among friends and relatives to your Brad Pitt novel. Lori has been thinking of who would play Carol in the movie. I wonder who you would choose.
An article I wrote about losing you appeared in an online magazine. Andrew works there. http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/22137/25425-mother-s-grief
Nana is coming to our house for Christmas. Your cousin, Evan, is a father of a new baby girl.
There was an empty chair at my birthday dinner / Mom Read >>
There was an empty chair at my birthday dinner / Mom
Your Dad, Heather, and I went to a wonderful restaurant for my birthday dinner. Tables naturally accommodate four and I thought of you filling the empty chair. I haven't written for a while, but I think of you often.
Chris and Victoria had a baby girl, Astrid, almost three months ago. You would be amused by your friend Chris. He is such a devoted father.
I have been writing and have come to appreciate that getting published is harder than writing.
The world is getting to become less desirable with Bush at the helm. I am glad I am as old as I am. I am not so optimistic about what the world will be like decades from now.
Guess who came to dinner? / Mom (Mom)
We had a lovely evening with your friend, John Bruce. He was in San Francisco on business. Heather brought him out. It was great to hear his stories about you. I'm keeping part of the reason for his visit secret. Your Dad and I have always said that you have great friends! Speaking of friends, Chris and Victoria's baby should be born any day.
Birthday wish / Taryn Knight (Friend) Happy Birthday Shannon! Be an angel will ya, and send me a dream tonight with us haging out and celebrating. One so intense that I wake up believing that it happend. I love you and miss you deeply, Taryn Close
Hey Baby! / Heather (sistah)
Well, we could debate which version of "Hallelujah" to use. (see Mom's entry) Chris and Victoria thought you liked Cale's better, but I realize that I don't know why exactly. It's sweet that he loved the song so much and Leonard shared it with him. I feel like he thinks of Cohen when he sings it. Anyway there is a certain symmetry to putting John Cale and Lou Reed together, eh? Seminal NEW YORK band, Velvet Underground! Well, enough record store geek speak.
The opportunity to go to NYC this week half-presented itself...I day-dreamed of going and having a big birthday dinner with your NY friends...laughing and swapping stories. I thought that mabye today I'd be at MacDougal Street tattoo with your tattoo artist getting something to commemorate you...like you so sweetly did for Anne Frank. ;) But, perhaps another time. Last nite we looked at Donna's photo of you as the Venus. What a tat THAT would make!
I love and miss you so profoundly that I think someone must invent a new word to describe the jumbled ball of emotion in my chest. Good grief, 'grief' doesn't cut it! Happy Birthday Heartbreaker!